In adulthood, we enjoy the freedom to make our own choices, from deciding whether to hit the gym or sleep in, to choosing between saving money or splurging on a treat. While this independence is empowering, it can also be overwhelming, especially for parents seeking clear-cut guidance. When it comes to raising children in a digital world, one of the most pressing questions remains: when is the right age for a child to join social media?
Despite more than two decades of social media’s existence, even experts struggle to provide definitive answers.
“I just edited a book on this topic, and I still grapple with it as a parent,” says Dr. Vicki Harrison, program director of the Stanford Center for Youth Mental Health and Wellbeing. “I wish there were a magic number.”
Research shows that nearly all teens are active on social media, with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) reporting that over 95% of teens use at least one platform. But the trend is catching on with younger children too. Around 40% of children between the ages of 8-12, commonly referred to as “tweens,” are also using social media, despite many platforms requiring users to be at least 13.
And while it’s easy for children to bypass these age restrictions, there are growing concerns about the impact of social media on their mental health.
The Mental Health Risks Linked to Social Media
Experts, including U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, are sounding alarms about the link between social media use and mental health issues. Murthy’s office recently issued a Surgeon General’s Advisory, highlighting the increasing evidence connecting social media to harmful effects on young people’s mental well-being.
A significant portion of brain development happens before the age of 25, which makes younger users especially vulnerable to these potential harms. With rising rates of anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns, many experts believe the full extent of social media’s impact has yet to be uncovered.
Parenting Perspectives: Access vs. Restriction
Marriage and family therapist Dr. Jenn Mann, author of The A-Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids, offers a straightforward approach: “You want your kid to be the last one in their class to have social media.”
Mann argues that it’s easier to delay access than it is to regulate it once children are online. But she also acknowledges that access doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Parents can take a more measured approach by allowing limited use, such as permitting only one app or restricting social media to certain hours of the day. This strategy allows parents to monitor their child’s behavior and gradually ease the rules over time.
The goal, according to experts, is to ensure that social media enhances — rather than replaces — a child’s social life. “If a young person is still engaging in their hobbies, having face-to-face interactions, and spending time outside, while also using technology to connect with friends, that’s a more balanced approach,” explains Harrison, who co-edited the Social Media and Youth Mental Health guidebook.
Is a Total Social Media Ban Realistic?
Although banning social media may seem like an easy solution, it may not be practical in today’s digital world. Schools, sports teams, and extracurricular activities increasingly use social media as a primary communication tool. Platforms like Instagram or Facebook are often essential for sharing schedules, messaging, and posting photos.
“It’s not just for recreation anymore,” Harrison notes. “It’s integrated into so many parts of our lives.”
Even if parents successfully restrict access at home, children are still likely to encounter social media at school or with friends. This raises another concern: the fear of missing out. When all of their peers are sharing content and staying connected online, the pressure for children to join can become overwhelming.
“Kids socialize and build connections online,” says Mann. “If your child misses out on that, it can be a challenging experience during their tween years.”
Preparing Children for Digital Responsibility
Rather than imposing an outright ban, experts advise preparing children for the responsibilities that come with social media use. This means helping them navigate online spaces and recognize problematic content, while also fostering healthy habits around technology.
Parents should also brace themselves for the possibility that their children will come across inappropriate or harmful material. Open communication about the risks is essential.
Legal Protections for Children
Fortunately, there are laws in place to protect young users. The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) sets strict guidelines for websites that target children under 13, preventing them from collecting data without parental consent. In addition, New York recently passed the SAFE For Kids Act, a groundbreaking law aimed at protecting children from addictive, algorithm-driven social media feeds.
These regulations help provide a safer environment for children online, but experts still emphasize the importance of parental oversight.
What to Do When Kids Ask About Social Media
When children ask for access to social media, parents should listen to their reasons. Are they missing out on class resources or social activities? Are they feeling left out of their friends’ online interactions?
“Kids will make demands based on what their friends are doing,” Mann says. “But ultimately, it’s up to parents to decide what is in their child’s best interest.”
By striking a balance between access and guidance, parents can help their children navigate social media in a healthy, responsible way.
