“You need to be a lazier parent.”
It’s a bold statement, but when I heard it from content creator Leahova, it hit me like a revelation. As a mum, I found myself nodding along, not just because of her honesty, but because she seemed to have cracked the code of parenting.
“You’re Helping Your Kids Too Much”
Leahova’s advice is simple yet powerful: “You need to be lazier. I think everyone’s helping their kids too much.”
And she’s absolutely right. The more we do for our children, the less they do for themselves. Rationally, many of us know this. Yet, out of love or habit, we continue to swoop in and handle everything, from cutting their apples to solving minor inconveniences.
Leahova suggests a different approach: “Be there if they need you, but if they ask for something, say, ‘Honey, I’m literally having my coffee right now. You can get it yourself.'”
It was a reality check. How many times had I interrupted my own moments, jumping up at the smallest request? More importantly, how was this constant hovering helping them in the long run?
The Hovering Parent Dilemma
As a mother of three boys under nine, I’m all too familiar with the hovering parent trope. But I didn’t realize how deep I had fallen into it until I started to ask myself, “What am I gaining from all this hovering? More importantly, what are my kids gaining?”
The answer, of course, was nothing.
Before this epiphany, I was the quintessential “helicopter parent.” If my kids mentioned they were thirsty, I’d spring into action like they’d been parched in the desert for days. Breakfast, lunch, dinner—I was practically serving everything on a silver platter. And if their pajamas lay crumpled on the floor, I would swiftly toss them into the laundry basket myself, because who else was going to do it?
The wake-up call came when my nine-year-old still wanted me to “supervise” him during bathroom trips. That’s when I realized: I was doing too much. I was running myself ragged for my kids and husband, while they were becoming increasingly dependent on me for even the simplest tasks.
“Lazy Mum” Era Begins
Thus, I entered what I now call my “lazy mum” era, though the name may need some refining. I started with small steps, determined to pull back from being my children’s personal concierge service.
The first task? Having them take out their own uniforms for the week. I didn’t throw them in at the deep end, of course. I set up a system—labeled drawers for each day of the week. All they had to do was pull out the right set of clothes.
Mornings became another training ground. We prepped breakfast essentials the night before, but when the sun came up, I’d say, “OK, it’s time to make your breakfast.” The first day was chaos, with more food on the bench than in their mouths, but they quickly learned. And I saw something wonderful—they were proud of their achievements.
They still tell me when they’re thirsty, but instead of jumping up, I remind them they live here and know where the water is.
Even my toddler has caught on. While I still help him with certain things, I’m fostering his independence much earlier than I did with his brothers. Now, he wants to put his nappy in the bin, his clothes in the laundry basket, and his plate on the counter. And he beams with pride every time.
Rethinking “Lazy” Parenting
One thing I’ve realized through this journey is that the word “lazy” doesn’t quite fit. Laziness is generally seen as negative, implying a lack of engagement. But that’s not what this approach is about. It’s about being a present observer, giving your children the tools and space to figure things out for themselves.
So, perhaps the “lazy mum” era should be called the “observer mum” era—because stepping back doesn’t mean stepping out.
Liberation for Both Parents and Kids
This shift in mindset has been liberating, not just for me, but for my kids as well. I’ve realized that stepping back doesn’t make me a bad parent; it actually makes me a better one. My children are learning how to be self-sufficient, and I’m finding balance in my own life.
So, to all the parents out there, I say: try it. Start small, give your kids room to grow, and watch as they rise to the occasion. I promise it’s a win for everyone.
