On June 25, actress Mindy Kaling announced that she welcomed her third child back in February. Yes, back in February.
Comments on her post were filled with congratulations, but many fans also wondered how she managed to keep her pregnancy and childbirth a secret. Until her announcement, the “Office” alum and creator of “Never Have I Ever” had given no hint that she was expecting. Kaling’s choice to keep her journey private is part of a growing trend among new parents.
Many parents-to-be now opt out of public pregnancy announcements and gender reveals on social media. They choose to keep their news private.
Why People Are Sharing Less
Many people, not just celebrities, are sharing fewer personal milestones on social media. They prefer more private ways of communicating, like in-person conversations, texts, direct messages, or using “close friend” features on social platforms.
One reason for this shift is the reaction to posts: judgment, envy, or negative comments. Anna Marcolin, a psychotherapist and personal development life coach, says, “Social media is affecting people’s mental health because of the comments on various platforms. Most people can’t ignore all the comments because we’re human.”
The comment section can be harsh, with users making rude remarks about someone’s appearance or choices. Some people seek more privacy for themselves and their families, especially pregnant individuals, “due to a sense of safety,” says psychotherapist and writer Crystal Burwell.
The COVID-19 pandemic also played a role in this trend. It normalized staying home and working remotely, allowing people to keep pregnancies private for longer. The pandemic may have changed attitudes about social media and what people choose to share.
Marcolin notes that during the pandemic, social media showed more authenticity and vulnerability. People were drawn to realness instead of highly curated, positive-only posts. Despite this, social media is still often performative. “We’re not showing our real selves on social media. It’s still performative,” she says. People may be tired of performing.
“I think people are less available for others’ unsolicited opinions about how they’re choosing to live their lives,” Marcolin says. “We’re just becoming more protective about how much we’re going to show is going on in our inner lives. So something that’s so intimate for us in our personal lives — like having a baby, having children — can feel less valued in this superficial medium of social media.”
Body Image and Pregnancy Complications
Pregnancy complications and miscarriage can also lead people to share less. Speculating about someone’s possible pregnancy based on weight gain can be hurtful. It can add to body-image issues and be especially harmful if the person has had difficulty getting pregnant or experienced loss.
“Miscarriage is something that our society does not talk about,” Burwell says. “It is like an internal death. You’re grieving so much, so that’s painful.” Each year, about 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage.
Setting Boundaries
Sharing major life news on social media can feel like a requirement. For celebrities and non-famous people alike, followers and friends can react strongly when a pregnancy or child is revealed later. These reactions may stem from feeling excluded or a sense of entitlement to someone’s personal information.
“Our culture likes immediacy,” Burwell says. “We expect that in every area, but that’s not how things work.” Setting boundaries is important.
“It’s important for all of us to sit back and to ask ourselves, ‘What is my social obligation to others, if any?'” Marcolin says. “Most people will find that there is no obligation here. There’s a choice. The obligation is to yourself, first, and maybe to your partner and to your children. That’s who your obligation is to, around making announcements about a pregnancy specifically.”
People are not entitled to information about a celebrity’s life or what’s happening in your life. “One of my favorite things to say,” Burwell says: “‘Everyone does not need to know everything.'”
