Pam Morris, a 38-year-old mother of six, has shared the heart-wrenching experience of losing her son, Finnleigh, to stillbirth. Having already given birth to five healthy children, Pam never imagined she would face such a devastating loss. Yet, at 36 weeks into her pregnancy, her baby boy was tragically stillborn.
Pam, who lives in Bentilee and works as a bar attendant at The Beverley pub, spoke to StokeonTrent Live about the emotional toll the loss has taken on her and her family, as well as her efforts to raise awareness and support for others who have experienced similar tragedies.
A Devastating Loss
In 2020, Pam’s life was forever altered when she lost her baby Finnleigh just weeks before he was due to be born. She recalled the shocking moment when she realized her baby had passed, saying, “He was stillborn at 36 weeks. I was full-term, and he just looked asleep. I was devastated.”
Reflecting on her journey through five previous healthy pregnancies, Pam admitted she had never expected such a tragedy. “I had no problems with my first five children. I just could not believe it. It does happen, and there is nothing worse. I would not wish it on my worst enemy,” she added.
Pam’s grief echoes the silent heartbreak that many families face when dealing with stillbirth—a tragedy that, although deeply personal, is experienced by many across the world. Stillbirth is often an isolating experience, and Pam hopes her story will encourage others to speak openly about their loss.
The Silent Grief of Stillbirth
One of the hardest parts of Pam’s experience was the isolation she felt, particularly due to the timing of Finnleigh’s death during the COVID-19 pandemic. “It was lockdown when it happened to me, which made it worse,” Pam recalled, acknowledging how the isolation added an extra layer of pain to an already overwhelming tragedy.
Pam also touched on the unspoken pain that many fathers endure when faced with such a loss. Her partner, Darrel, tried to remain strong for the sake of their family. “Men seem to hold it together. My partner, Darrel, tried to hold it together because of me. But at the end of the day, the mum carries them,” she explained, highlighting how the emotional burden of stillbirth affects both parents, albeit in different ways.
Finding Strength After Loss
After losing Finnleigh, Pam was faced with the challenge of continuing to care for her other five children while coping with her grief. In the aftermath, she found solace in her close-knit family and support system, which included her partner Darrel, their children, her best friend, and her father. For many others, Pam acknowledged, the journey through grief can be a lonelier one. “Some people have not got that support,” she said.
Despite the profound pain of losing Finnleigh, Pam was later blessed with another child, a daughter named Tallulah, who is now two years old. In the world of baby loss, a child born after the death of a sibling is often referred to as a “rainbow child,” symbolizing hope after a storm. Pam expressed her gratitude for having Tallulah, stating, “I am lucky I have been able to have another child.”
October 26 will mark four years since Finnleigh’s passing, and the anniversary is a poignant time for Pam and her family. Each year, they gather at Carmountside Crematorium, where Finnleigh is buried, to commemorate his short life. “We always go down there on his birthday and let balloons off in the field. The whole family goes,” Pam shared.
Raising Awareness for Baby Loss
In an effort to honor her son and raise awareness for other families affected by baby loss, Pam has been actively involved in fundraising for Tommy’s Charity, a UK-based organization that supports research into stillbirth, miscarriage, and premature birth. The fundraising activities coincided with Baby Loss Awareness Week, which runs from October 9 to 15.
Pam, together with her colleagues and customers at The Beverley pub, has raised hundreds of pounds through a series of events, including a quiz, a bingo night, and a pool tournament. Local patrons generously donated prizes to support the cause. Pam expressed her gratitude for the outpouring of support, stating, “We have a target of £600 and hope to meet that. The customers are all behind it. It is amazing how many people go through it.”
Tommy’s Charity is one of many organizations providing resources and support for grieving families, and Pam’s dedication to raising awareness is helping others in the community who may be suffering in silence.
A Supportive Community
Pam credits the warmth and generosity of her community in Bentilee for helping her navigate her grief. “I have worked in different pubs, but this is the one which helped me put things into place. I grew up in Bentilee. The people are so warm, friendly, and generous,” she said.
In her interactions with customers, Pam has learned just how many people have been affected by baby loss, even if they do not openly speak about it. Her story has inspired others to share their own experiences, and she hopes that her efforts will encourage more conversations about stillbirth, miscarriage, and infant loss.
Coping with Grief
Although Pam’s life has moved forward, the pain of losing Finnleigh remains. “People say it gets easier. It doesn’t. It gets easier to manage. It gets easier to cope with,” she reflected, acknowledging the ongoing nature of her grief.
For Pam, the memory of Finnleigh will always be a part of her life, and she continues to find ways to honor him while supporting others who have faced similar losses.
A Message of Hope
Through her journey, Pam Morris has found strength in her family, her community, and her desire to help others. By sharing her story and raising awareness for baby loss, she is offering hope to other grieving parents, showing them that they are not alone.
As she prepares for the fourth anniversary of Finnleigh’s passing, Pam’s message remains clear: while the pain of stillbirth may never completely fade, it is possible to find ways to manage and cope—and to remember those lost with love.
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